Although previous work has shown that mothers’ parenting influences the development of child executive function (EF; important self-control skills developed during the preschool years), the role of fathers’ parenting has not been thoroughly investigated.
Principle Two with Babies
If you have learned how to slow down by the time your baby arrives, you will have the time of your life. Your baby’s infancy will be filled with magic, with moments that turn into hours, just watching him or her being. But there are a lot of responsibilities that come with a new baby and, particularly if you also have other children, life can get even more action packed after all the drama of childbirth has passed, the relatives have gone home, the spouse has returned to work, and hormones begin adjusting to a new body structure, nursing or not.
Move slowly through your day, or make a couple of two-hour spots a time to move in slow motion. Learn yoga’s “Mountain Pose” — when you are standing, make your feet hip-width apart. Press your feet into the floor so that you stand evenly on the soles of your feet, relax your toes, so that your body is in total balance. Make your legs so that the muscles of your thighs “hug” the bones; pull in your belly, relax your shoulders. Breathe deeply, slowly. You will find that your attention is focused, you move with your baby purposefully, breathing in and enjoying every moment. Siblings will eventually learn (without really knowing) to move with you and that you don’t react or become frazzled by their demands.
Fathers can play an integral role in learning to practice Principle Two with a new baby. Dads, don’t wait for an invitation to get involved with the care of your baby. At the hospital or birthing center or at home, during the first few days, allow the new mom to rest. Don’t let well-meaning aunts or grandmothers push you out of the way. Ask the nurses or midwives how to change, burp, take the temperature, and bathe your baby. If you and your partner have agreed, learn how to feed the baby (even breastfed babies can occasionally accept breast milk from a bottle). If your partner complains about the way you do things, don’t be defensive. Ask her to show you how she does it, and thank her. As one dad said, “After a while she’ll get tired of being the ‘baby boss’ and will relinquish more control to you.” Studies have shown that a father’s sensitive caregiving leads to a secure bond with his infant and that a warm, gratifying marital relationship supports a father’s involvement with his baby.
Fathers can walk, rock, sing to, dance with, read to, and massage their babies as well as do maintenance activities like feeding, changing, and bathing. Many people don’t realize that fathers, too, have “parenting hormones” that are activated by close contact with your baby, for your own well being as well as theirs. Slow down for the times you are with your baby; breathe deeply and move in slow motion.
FROM THE TAO OF MOTHERHOOD:
There is no natural pouring-forth
that lasts forever. When it rains,
it stops. The wind blows,
and then it ceases.
Learn to use your words wisely,
to communicate rather than to lecture.
Speak your truth, state your feelings,
then stop.Your actions, in silence,
speak louder and will be heard.
Teach your children this:
A human being is greater than
a human doing.
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© 2015 Vimala McClure