When I found out the Gangster was five, I had to think about what that meant for me. It’s been twenty-five years since I helped my mom with daycare and the majority of the kids were boys. Was I interested in kids? How much responsibility is a kid when you’re dating their mom? Will the child accept us in their life? But I was in. I didn’t meet the Gangster until after six weeks of dates, talking, talking, and talking to her mom. I didn’t fully realize it then, but after we talked about it later, my Southern Belle was vetting me too, trying to answer the additional 100,000 questions concerning her child beyond her personal dating ones.
f parents could have their way, they would take control of their children’s lives forever. They want them to make the right decisions, get into the right schools, meet the right people, have the right (i.e. similar to their own) values. But what parents need to know is in order to stay relevant in their children’s lives, they need to relinquish some of that control they so greatly crave.
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works. Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:”You look so healthy!” is a great one. Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.” “I can see how happy you are — you’re glowing.”
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one. Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
““Softer” is a way of being, of parenting, of thinking that I learned to embrace over this past year. I had to. For years, I had been tightly wound around the idea that rigidity and harshness were my best options in dealing with my kids.”
If you have ever watched a desperate mother trying to avoid flailing arms and legs as she wipes her child’s snot off her arms in the middle of a shopping centre and vowed that your own sweet baby will never carry on like that, think again. Tantrums are a normal part of toddler life.
“As parenting styles go, I would be considered liberal, lenient and even free range-like. But letting my kids – when they were that age – walk a mile to a park through a big city with a population of 78,000? I don’t know about that. How about you?”