To empower means not to overpower or disempower. We need to learn to separate ourselves from our children in order to empower them correctly. Enmeshment — too much identification with our children — can lead to tightening and anxiety as they move away and begin to be who they are.
There are many examples of situations that could be perceived as “failures” but, because of internal empowerment, are actually successes. For example, it took Thomas Edison more than twenty years and thousands of failed experiments before he invented the electric light. Many famous authors were rejected numerous times before being published. Most successful people had many failures along the way. Helpless people who are not internally empowered cannot respond to rejection and adversity in their proper context. Life may not be fair, but our response to obstacles and adversities is learned.
If you are overly concerned about what other think of you as a parent or what they think of your children, you cannot be genuine and flexible — two important aspects of empowerment. If your own sense of success and happiness is dependent upon your children behaving a certain way, making certain choices, or living up to certain standards and expectations that are predetermined and rigid, you can’t empower your children to be healthy, powerful adults who make good choices for themselves. If you feel like a failure when your children make mistakes, get bd grades, or don’t make the team — if you feel constant pressure to make them a certain way so that you feel good about yourself — you will have difficulty with this principle.